


Heaven is good memories

by JulianFlora



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15.20, Canonical Character Death, Coda, Fix-It, Heaven, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27646514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulianFlora/pseuds/JulianFlora
Summary: After 15.20 Dean is in heaven. Heaven can only give him memories, good ones at that. He's trying to change the restriction to simulate a conversation with Cas.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 23





	Heaven is good memories

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't watched season 15 yet, but I got spoiled for the last few episodes and just couldn't let it go. I haven't actually typed anything fictional in about a decade, so know that Destiel made me come back to it!
> 
> I wanted write something that would fit with the ending of Supernatural, but also filled in some personal blanks for me.  
> Also, I wanted to use canon against itself a little.

Dean's doing yardwork. He remembers the house belonging to an old couple Sam and him once questioned on a case. He thought it was quaint in a suburban kinda way. The memory is vague but good. The old woman offered him fresh baked cookies. She and her grandkids made 'em for the old man's birthday or something.

He's shoveling some dirt around. He just imagined himself planting some seeds for cooking herbs. Dean knows nothing about gardening, but he wants to believe he could some day. He guesses, maybe now.

A glance at the window shows him a mop of dark hair visible behind the roses. Dean thinks he's about done preparing for this, so he places the shovel against the wall and enters the house. There's not a lot he remembers from the inside, beside the old people and the cookies, so the house looks like Lisa's did when Dean moved in way back then. He tries to ignore that particular thought, wants to focus on the kitchen and its occupant.

"Honey, I'm home!" Dean says jokingly, though he feels jittery with nerves.

"I believe the garden is part of our home too, Dean." A dark voice welcomes him. Dean watches a little too eager how Castiel's popping his head out from the kitchen to greet him, drying his hands on a dishtowel. For a little while Dean just looks at him, grinning, pretending this is all normal. Then Cas fades around the edges and Dean's suddenly reminded what he wanted to do, what he wanted to say.

"No wait, Cas!" But Castiel is already gone. Lisa is standing at the counter chopping up onions. Dean remembers this too. They were happy memories. He's a little tired, so he just goes with it, places a hand on her shoulder and smiles at her encouragingly.

He spends some time with Lisa and Ben. It's nice. They were good memories. He doesn't mind them, but he hates how it ended. He knows this didn't last. So when family dinner is over he flits around some other ones. Sammy with fireworks, Bobby telling them they were like sons to him, that hunting trip with his mom, Cas...

  
  


He visits some memories with Cas, but they are always so fleeting. There was always something to do, never enough time. Not enough to have talked about it. Not that Dean acknowledged anything needed discussing anyway. He doesn't visit the last memory he has of Cas. He wonders why he's remembering it anyhow, it was heartbreaking, painful, didn't seem happy at all. But deep down he knows why.

  
\--

  
  


Sam is laughing at him, but Dean is happy. There's red mooshy goop on his face, it feels a bit nasty on his skin, but the taste is great. Cherry pie, awesome.

"You should've seen the look on your face." Sam chuckles and tosses him the box. It says 'Garland farmyard'.

"It's organic, so don't waste it. Figured, we deserved something good." Dean feels the words warm him from the inside. Sam had pranked him, but it was totally forgiven. He hadn't had pie for weeks, perhaps even months, so this was a blessing, even if it was stuck to his face.

"Where's yours then?" Deans remembers asking, so he does. Sam looks at him again and promptly start laughing again. "That right there." He says when he's got it under control. "Your cherry pie face is my good."

  
  


\--  
  
  


He doesn't know why only just remembers it now, but the minute he does he finds himself sitting on a deck chair near the water with a fishing pole in his hand. Cas pops up beside him with his customary 'Hello Dean'. 

Dean thinks he's supposed to be startled, it was like that back then, but instead he's relieved. He enjoys Cas' presence for a while and decides to give it a go.

"Hey Cas, remember when you left, saved my life?" Dean thinks being purposely vague will keep Cas like this a little longer.

"Yes, Dean"

"I just..., there wasn't any time, but... Thank you, Cas. I wish we'd talked before." Dean wonders if Cas felt like that too, in this moment. He's musing on what to say next, or maybe just to ask him how long, but somehow he senses things are different. He looks up at Cas and notices he's static, sort of just staring out on the lake a pensive look on his face. Cas is not moving, neither is the water, or the line on the fishing pole.

Dean sighs, disappointed and shifts away to chicken dinner with Jodi and the girls.

  
  


He tries again some memories after that, but gardening doesn't help him prepare for Cas in the house doing normal  _ human  _ things like washing dishes folding laundry. It sort of sets him off kilter and makes Cas fuzzy around the edges, his voice going soft as if he's far away and eventually he's replaced by air, or Lisa, or his mom.  The women a welcome sight, but not exactly what he needs right now.

  
  


He tries again anyhow, just pretends Cas is doing other things. Turns their roles around, but Cas just never really enters the house. He watches cas shovel a hole in the ground for a while and guesses that's allright too.

  
\--

  
  


Dean thinks he's figured it out when he thinks of a memory in the bunker. He's pouring coffee in a cup for Cas who's holding the mug with two hands. Cas claimed coffee tasted like molecules anyway, so he doesn't mind having a cup every once in a while. It gives them both a bit of time to regroup and strategize, see things from a different perspective. They've been talking about Jack for a little while when there's a lull in the conversation. Dean knows Cas will stick around for a little while, so he decides to just come out and say it. If Cas turns static, that's alright. Cas told him back then that it wasn't in having, it was in knowing it and saying it, and maybe that's true for Dean too.

"Me too, Cas." Cas is tilting his head to the side, a gesture so inherently _Cas_ , it makes Dean smile. "I didn't get the chance to process it when you said it, but I do too. I honestly thought that because you were an angel, it just wasn't like that for you. But yeah, Cas, I love you too."

He's been looking at his cup, not daring to look up at Cas, just to be able to get the words out, when suddenly Cas reaches for the cup and takes it away. Then Cas' hands are grabbing his and squeezing them. Dean feels his heart start to pick up and dares to look up at Cas.

Cas looks like he did the day he gave his life for Dean. His eyes are watering, but he's smiling. It startles Dean. For a minute he thinks the two memories have merged to accommodate him, but then Cas moves his hands and glides his fingers up Dean's forearm.

"Cas?" Cas nods. Despite the answer, Dean can't help but ask again. "Cas?"

"Hello, Dean."

Dean's standing up in a rush, he has to let go of Cas ' hands , but he quickly rounds the table and puts his hands on Cas' shoulders. Cas nods again, and it's all Dean needs to wrap his arms around Cas, press his face into Cas' neck and  _ inhale _ . "Cas, Cas" He repeats some more and Cas tells him that he's here, he's not leaving.  He breathes in shakily and can't help the tears blurring his vision.

  
  


\--  
  
  


Cas watches Dean rake leaves again, hidden. He doesn't want to burden Dean's time in heaven, but can't resist looking in. He's seen him rake leaves before, but the house is different this time. He wonders where else Dean could have been doing garden work, surely there was not time for such things before?

He realises it's not a memory but a dream. When his own voice rings out to him inside the house, Cas is filled with hope.

He doesn't want to burden Dean, but Dean's memories involve Cas a lot. He sees Dean trying to engage him, but it seems to fail every time. 

When the scenery changes to the both of them sitting in the bunker drinking late night coffee he knows what to do.

  
  


"Hello, Dean."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this made some people happy or happier. :)


End file.
